Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Getting Engaged Makes You Rich!

Good news, brides-and-grooms-to-be: Getting engaged makes you rich!

What? You didn't know? Just ask any wedding vendor out there. They're sure of it.

In fact, try this fun experiment. Call a venue, such as a hotel or banquet hall. Tell them you're coordinating an event and you want to book a room. They'll ask you a series of questions - whatever you do, don't tell them that your event is a wedding. Say it's a nice dinner, a family reunion, an anniversary celebration (all of those are not actually outright lies). This is important, otherwise you'll ruin the experiment.

They will give you a quote on a price. Thank them kindly. Then, later that day, have your partner call them back and say they want to book the venue, for a wedding.

They will be give your partner a quote, and the quote will likely be higher. It might even be double. Because, you see, wedding venues know the truth: GETTING ENGAGED MAKES YOU RICH!

Bridal shops know this, too, which is why they charge crazy amounts of money for fabric and sequins. Why shouldn't they? YOU'RE RICH, YOU SILLY GOOSE! GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY!

Caterers know it. Travel agents know it. Interior stores know it. Your mailbox will be full of offers for luxury items you didn't know you needed. BUT OF COURSE YOU NEED IT! YOU NEED IT ALL, NOW THAT YOU ARE RICH AND ENGAGED!

Aren't you glad? It's a pretty sweet bonus. You find the love of your life, and you instantly become millionaires. Life is more than fair. It's a generous sugar-coated angel of amaze-balls. Of course, there's one entity that misses the memo about you suddenly being rolling in the dough.

That'd be your bank.

Your account will pretty much look the same as it always has. Silly slow bankers!

But don't worry. The credit card companies feel very, very confident about your wedding windfall. They'll encourage you to spend away, love birds! Don't complain about the price of cakes or the ridiculousness of wedding toilet paper!*

Shut up! YOU'RE RICH!

(Pseudo-legal disclaimer: Getting engaged does not make you rich, unless, like, you get engaged to a rich person. But you'd never know it from the way the whole freaking wedding industry expects you to start throwing money around. Now you know, so have a little fun with the information. String along some of the evil price gougers, and reward the honest vendors out there with your business. That's our plan, anyway.)

*Just in case you didn't click the link above, I'm putting it here too. This is an actual thing. This is the world we live in.


  1. I'd totally spring for the wedding toilet paper if it wasn't 2 ply. For that much money, I want extra comfort. And since you're rich, spread the love! (Just kidding. You already spread a whole lotta love around. Which is probably one reason you are getting married, and, subsequently, writing this blog.)

    1. Thanks, friend. Howsabout we compromise on 2-ply paper at the venue, but no poor little wipe-bound brides and grooms decorating said cushy squares? ;-)

  2. I love Neill's comment!

    And, thanks for writing this. I was worried about the money for planning, but I missed the memo that now I'm rich!! Phew, that came just in time.

    1. Right?! W-H-E-W.

      (On a serious note - don't let anyone talk you into things you don't want. And there ARE nice vendors out there. There are just also a lot of money-grubbin' ones with serious delusions about your finances, I've found.)